Gentlemen,

One of the most common questions I am asked regarding the ALERT Cadet program revolves around the involvement of the father, a hall-mark of our program. The question takes on many forms, but invariably comes down to, “How do I find time to do all this with my son?” My answer, after explaining how the program works and why the father is involved is usually this, “Sir, you will never FIND the time; you must MAKE the time to spend with your son! Something in your busy life must come out to provide the room for the ALERT Cadets to fit.” And that is the subject of this monthly message. In my life my 12-handicap golf game went by the wayside in favor of spending time with my sons. Let me share with you how I make decisions on priorities and time in hopes that this will be of benefit to you. A godly man shared this with me many years ago when I was a struggling father of three children under the age of four.

First priority is my relationship to God. All else springs from this. If I am in right relationship with Him, then I have the wisdom and knowledge to make proper decisions. I must place my eternal salvation in the shed blood of Jesus Christ and my faith in Him and His work on the cross. I can do nothing to earn my salvation. I must simply acknowledge His work, confess my need, and accept the free gift of salvation. Having done that I must continually be in the Word on a daily basis and model before my family a vibrant relationship with my Creator and His Word.

Second priority is my relationship with my wife. Sue is God’s gift to me and is my helpmeet. In fact, she is part of my flesh, and we are really one “person” in two bodies, as it were. My relationship with my wife flows out of my proper understanding of God and how He has designed human relationships. I find that if I am in a right relationship with God, then the friction in my relationship with my wife is greatly reduced and is replaced with joy and thanksgiving. When my relationship with God is not in good standing and there is unconfessed sin in my life, then Sue and I will not be in harmony, and the work we are doing with ALERT Cadets and with our children is hindered or even damaged. The walk and the talk must match!

Third priority is my relationship to my children. Yes, the priorities go in order and must be maintained that way. My wife is more important that my children. She is my helpmeet until one of us dies, or until Jesus comes again. My children are given to me for a time to train up and then to send out. My objective with my children is to properly train them to fear the Lord, to give them the skills necessary for work and ministry, and to prepare them for a life of marriage or singleness. In a word, God expects me to disciple my children. Here is where the ministry of ALERT Cadets comes in; it is simply a tool to assist a father in the discipling of his son. I am a busy man, just like you, with many things competing for my time, so when I find a tool that can assist me in completing my God-given responsibilities and make me a more effective father, I’m inclined to give it a try. The measure of how successful I have been at discipleship will be to see what my children thought was important enough in their own training to pass along to their children, my grandchildren!

Fourth in the priority list is my work, or the means by which I provide financially for my family. Some, I know, place their ministry before work in the priority list. However, if ministry becomes so important that work gets squeezed out, then the family may suffer financially. First Timothy 5:8 tells me that a man who does not provide for his own family is worse than an infidel or unbeliever! Hence, a man is required by God to provide for the needs of his family. For me, I always had the struggle between working long enough and hard enough to provide for my family and the sheer joy I received in doing my job well. Life is a balance, and I had to find the right balance of knowing when to quit working. For some, this will be an eight-hour day, and for others, it may be 10-12 hours. In my case I sought to have the highest paying, per hour, job available so that I could spend less time working to provide for the needs of my family and more hours available to spend in discipling my wife and children. For my children, we have also used pay rate as one of the criteria in selecting a profession, the other criteria being that the profession must be God-honoring and must have a ministry component.

Fifth in priority is my ministry to God’s people. This ministry may be through individual discipling relationships, leading small Bible study groups, serving in my church as an elder or deacon, or as I currently do, in the leading of an international ministry. I am to use the spiritual gift given me by God to build up and encourage the people of God. I am an exhorter, so I seek to take the truth of God’s Word and help the people of God to apply it to their lives. When I exercise this gift, then, both God’s people and I are blessed and encouraged.

Last in the priority list comes my hobbies or purely personal activities. Frankly, I don’t have very many things in this area. I just don’t have much time for them when I get done with the first five priorities. Hence, my golf game is not nearly what it once was even though I now live near a golf course! What I do now is seek to take an activity that I enjoy and use it as a discipleship opportunity with my family or others. I enjoy hiking and camping; so do my sons. I’ll fulfill the third priority of discipling my sons while I spend time in God’s creation with them. Right now I’m spending a lot of time with my daughter by being her driving coach. Sue and I spend time together in ministry at ALERT Cadet and in traveling around the country in an ALERT van or airplane ministering to God’s people. When there is something of low priority that I like to do, I look for a way to combine it with a higher priority item and thus accomplish two objectives with the same activity.

So, having said all that, let’s get back to the busy father. What is the solution for him? Simply, he must take an honest look at his checkbook and his calendar, or iPhone and determine how he is spending the resources God is providing. I’ve found that when I sit with a man whose priorities are out of whack and honestly assess where he is spending his time and money, there are workable solutions. Many times wives, by God’s providential gifting, are able to help a man sort out priorities and put the emphasis back where it belongs and in the proper order. I appreciate Sue when she gets my attention by telling me that my priorities are out of order! Yes, it hurts, but when I get through licking my manly pride, and I take her counsel, I find that things go much better with me and with my family.

Bottom line – know the priorities, evaluate each potential activity in light of the priorities, and execute with your full energy. In that way, you and I will both reach the end of our lives and stand before King Jesus to hear the words, “Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Master!”

Your fellow servant,

Roger D. Farr

ALERT Cadet Commanding Officer