Getting and Giving Advice - Monthly Message from the ALERT Cadet Major – March 2008

Gentlemen,

No topic in my life, other than my salvation, has been more important to me than the appropriate giving and receiving of counsel. In fact, the Scriptures tell me in Proverbs 1:5 that a wise man will seek out and acquire counsel. Proverbs 12:15 tells me that a fool is right in his own eyes, but that a wise man listens to counsel. The question for me then is not whether I should seek out counsel and listen to it; that is obvious if I want to be wise. Rather, the question is, “From whom should I receive this counsel?”

The first criteria I use is the determination of whether the person I’m seeking counsel from is wise or foolish. Let me clarify that I may seek the professional “advice” of a non-Christian if he has specific factual knowledge I need to make a decision. Such might be the case in a legal, medical, financial, or mechanical repair question. Hence, I tend to separate the seeking of advice from the seeking of counsel. So then, how do I determine if an individual I am seeking counsel from is wise? Let me list a few things I look for, but I suggest that you do your own word search on the word “wise” from the Scriptures and develop your own list. I look for men who:

• are knowledgeable or have personal experience in the area on which I am seeking counsel,
• show fruit of a changed life in their decision making process, and
• ask for and take counsel from other men in making their own decisions.

Next, I look at his age, both spiritual and physical. A man who is spiritually old has walked with God many years and has had to make many decisions in life regarding this world and his place in it. He will also have an eternal perspective about his decisions. He will not be swayed by the latest trend or book on the market. I also seek out those who are physically old. I do this because of the story of Rehoboam from 1 Kings 12. When young men seek out counsel from their peers, the result is usually painful. In Rehoboam’s case his rejection of the wise counsel from his elders resulted, tragically, in a divided kingdom for Israel.

“And Rehoboam went to Shechem: for all Israel were come to Shechem to make him king. And it came to pass, when Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who was yet in Egypt, heard of it, (for he was fled from the presence of king Solomon, and Jeroboam dwelt in Egypt;) That they sent and called him. And Jeroboam and all the congregation of Israel came, and spake unto Rehoboam, saying, Thy father made our yoke grievous: now therefore make thou the grievous service of thy father, and his heavy yoke which he put upon us, lighter, and we will serve thee. And he said unto them, Depart yet for three days, then come again to me. And the people departed. And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people? And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever. But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, and which stood before him: And he said unto them, What counsel give ye that we may answer this people, who have spoken to me, saying, Make the yoke which thy father did put upon us lighter? And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins. And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day. And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men’s counsel that they gave him; And spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.”

Lastly, in every decision of whether a man is wise or not, I seek the counsel of my wife. Somehow God has gifted women to quickly discern the heart of a man and determine whether he is wise or foolish. If my wife is at peace with the man and does not have any qualms or misgivings, then I go ahead and ask the counsel. For a young man, gaining the peace of his parents before asking another individual for counsel is critical, and would be the analog to a husband gaining the peace of his wife. For a young man to seek out only the counsel of his peers is disastrous as Rehoboam proved.

When I give counsel, I apply the same process. I first want to make sure that I am in proper relationship to God and have wisdom to give. The question I ask myself is, “Am I the right one to give counsel to this individual on this subject?” Giving counsel is a huge responsibility realizing that the person asking will likely act on what I say. Therefore, I want to be absolutely sure that I am the right one to give the counsel and that what I say has a basis in Scripture, personal experience, or both.

Men, in general, do not seek, nor give, counsel very well. I adjure you to be a wise man and seek out counsel in making life’s decisions. Likewise, teach your children to seek out counsel from those godly men and women in their lives. In such a manner they will also become wise and in due time be able to give wise counsel to others. When asked for your counsel on a topic, 1) give yourself time to think the question through, 2) apply Biblical principles to the question at hand, and 3) and seek out the counsel of your wife before speaking. In doing so you will prove to be a wise man who gives wise counsel to the people of God.

May God give you wisdom as you lead your family well.

In Christ,

Roger D. Farr

ALERT Cadet Commanding Officer