ALERT Cadet™
International ALERT Academy
"Assisting fathers to win and keep
the hearts of their 8 to 17-year-old sons"

Archive for March 2008

Getting our Priorities Straight! – April 2008

  • Posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

Getting our Priorities Straight! – Monthly Message from the ALERT Cadet Major – April 2008

Gentlemen,

One of the most common questions I am asked regarding the ALERT Cadet program revolves around the involvement of the father, a hall-mark of our program. The question takes on many forms, but invariably comes down to, “How do I find [...]

Gentlemen,

One of the most common questions I am asked regarding the ALERT Cadet program revolves around the involvement of the father, a hall-mark of our program. The question takes on many forms, but invariably comes down to, “How do I find time to do all this with my son?” My answer, after explaining how the program works and why the father is involved is usually this, “Sir, you will never FIND the time; you must MAKE the time to spend with your son! Something in your busy life must come out to provide the room for the ALERT Cadets to fit.” And that is the subject of this monthly message. In my life my 12-handicap golf game went by the wayside in favor of spending time with my sons. Let me share with you how I make decisions on priorities and time in hopes that this will be of benefit to you. A godly man shared this with me many years ago when I was a struggling father of three children under the age of four.

First priority is my relationship to God. All else springs from this. If I am in right relationship with Him, then I have the wisdom and knowledge to make proper decisions. I must place my eternal salvation in the shed blood of Jesus Christ and my faith in Him and His work on the cross. I can do nothing to earn my salvation. I must simply acknowledge His work, confess my need, and accept the free gift of salvation. Having done that I must continually be in the Word on a daily basis and model before my family a vibrant relationship with my Creator and His Word.

Second priority is my relationship with my wife. Sue is God’s gift to me and is my helpmeet. In fact, she is part of my flesh, and we are really one “person” in two bodies, as it were. My relationship with my wife flows out of my proper understanding of God and how He has designed human relationships. I find that if I am in a right relationship with God, then the friction in my relationship with my wife is greatly reduced and is replaced with joy and thanksgiving. When my relationship with God is not in good standing and there is unconfessed sin in my life, then Sue and I will not be in harmony, and the work we are doing with ALERT Cadets and with our children is hindered or even damaged. The walk and the talk must match!

Third priority is my relationship to my children. Yes, the priorities go in order and must be maintained that way. My wife is more important that my children. She is my helpmeet until one of us dies, or until Jesus comes again. My children are given to me for a time to train up and then to send out. My objective with my children is to properly train them to fear the Lord, to give them the skills necessary for work and ministry, and to prepare them for a life of marriage or singleness. In a word, God expects me to disciple my children. Here is where the ministry of ALERT Cadets comes in; it is simply a tool to assist a father in the discipling of his son. I am a busy man, just like you, with many things competing for my time, so when I find a tool that can assist me in completing my God-given responsibilities and make me a more effective father, I’m inclined to give it a try. The measure of how successful I have been at discipleship will be to see what my children thought was important enough in their own training to pass along to their children, my grandchildren!

Fourth in the priority list is my work, or the means by which I provide financially for my family. Some, I know, place their ministry before work in the priority list. However, if ministry becomes so important that work gets squeezed out, then the family may suffer financially. First Timothy 5:8 tells me that a man who does not provide for his own family is worse than an infidel or unbeliever! Hence, a man is required by God to provide for the needs of his family. For me, I always had the struggle between working long enough and hard enough to provide for my family and the sheer joy I received in doing my job well. Life is a balance, and I had to find the right balance of knowing when to quit working. For some, this will be an eight-hour day, and for others, it may be 10-12 hours. In my case I sought to have the highest paying, per hour, job available so that I could spend less time working to provide for the needs of my family and more hours available to spend in discipling my wife and children. For my children, we have also used pay rate as one of the criteria in selecting a profession, the other criteria being that the profession must be God-honoring and must have a ministry component.

Fifth in priority is my ministry to God’s people. This ministry may be through individual discipling relationships, leading small Bible study groups, serving in my church as an elder or deacon, or as I currently do, in the leading of an international ministry. I am to use the spiritual gift given me by God to build up and encourage the people of God. I am an exhorter, so I seek to take the truth of God’s Word and help the people of God to apply it to their lives. When I exercise this gift, then, both God’s people and I are blessed and encouraged.

Last in the priority list comes my hobbies or purely personal activities. Frankly, I don’t have very many things in this area. I just don’t have much time for them when I get done with the first five priorities. Hence, my golf game is not nearly what it once was even though I now live near a golf course! What I do now is seek to take an activity that I enjoy and use it as a discipleship opportunity with my family or others. I enjoy hiking and camping; so do my sons. I’ll fulfill the third priority of discipling my sons while I spend time in God’s creation with them. Right now I’m spending a lot of time with my daughter by being her driving coach. Sue and I spend time together in ministry at ALERT Cadet and in traveling around the country in an ALERT van or airplane ministering to God’s people. When there is something of low priority that I like to do, I look for a way to combine it with a higher priority item and thus accomplish two objectives with the same activity.

So, having said all that, let’s get back to the busy father. What is the solution for him? Simply, he must take an honest look at his checkbook and his calendar, or iPhone and determine how he is spending the resources God is providing. I’ve found that when I sit with a man whose priorities are out of whack and honestly assess where he is spending his time and money, there are workable solutions. Many times wives, by God’s providential gifting, are able to help a man sort out priorities and put the emphasis back where it belongs and in the proper order. I appreciate Sue when she gets my attention by telling me that my priorities are out of order! Yes, it hurts, but when I get through licking my manly pride, and I take her counsel, I find that things go much better with me and with my family.

Bottom line – know the priorities, evaluate each potential activity in light of the priorities, and execute with your full energy. In that way, you and I will both reach the end of our lives and stand before King Jesus to hear the words, “Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Master!”

Your fellow servant,

Roger D. Farr

ALERT Cadet Commanding Officer

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Mar 26

Getting and Giving Advice – March 2008

  • Posted on Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Getting and Giving Advice – Monthly Message from the ALERT Cadet Major – March 2008

Gentlemen,

No topic in my life, other than my salvation, has been more important to me than the appropriate giving and receiving of counsel. In fact, the Scriptures tell me in Proverbs 1:5 that a wise man will seek out and acquire [...]

Gentlemen,

No topic in my life, other than my salvation, has been more important to me than the appropriate giving and receiving of counsel. In fact, the Scriptures tell me in Proverbs 1:5 that a wise man will seek out and acquire counsel. Proverbs 12:15 tells me that a fool is right in his own eyes, but that a wise man listens to counsel. The question for me then is not whether I should seek out counsel and listen to it; that is obvious if I want to be wise. Rather, the question is, “From whom should I receive this counsel?”

The first criteria I use is the determination of whether the person I’m seeking counsel from is wise or foolish. Let me clarify that I may seek the professional “advice” of a non-Christian if he has specific factual knowledge I need to make a decision. Such might be the case in a legal, medical, financial, or mechanical repair question. Hence, I tend to separate the seeking of advice from the seeking of counsel. So then, how do I determine if an individual I am seeking counsel from is wise? Let me list a few things I look for, but I suggest that you do your own word search on the word “wise” from the Scriptures and develop your own list. I look for men who:

  • are knowledgeable or have personal experience in the area on which I am seeking counsel,
  • show fruit of a changed life in their decision making process, and
  • ask for and take counsel from other men in making their own decisions.

Next, I look at his age, both spiritual and physical. A man who is spiritually old has walked with God many years and has had to make many decisions in life regarding this world and his place in it. He will also have an eternal perspective about his decisions. He will not be swayed by the latest trend or book on the market. I also seek out those who are physically old. I do this because of the story of Rehoboam from 1 Kings 12. When young men seek out counsel from their peers, the result is usually painful. In Rehoboam’s case his rejection of the wise counsel from his elders resulted, tragically, in a divided kingdom for Israel.

“And Rehoboam went to Shechem: for all Israel were come to Shechem to make him king. And it came to pass, when Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who was yet in Egypt, heard of it, (for he was fled from the presence of king Solomon, and Jeroboam dwelt in Egypt;) That they sent and called him. And Jeroboam and all the congregation of Israel came, and spake unto Rehoboam, saying, Thy father made our yoke grievous: now therefore make thou the grievous service of thy father, and his heavy yoke which he put upon us, lighter, and we will serve thee. And he said unto them, Depart yet for three days, then come again to me. And the people departed. And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people? And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever. But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, and which stood before him: And he said unto them, What counsel give ye that we may answer this people, who have spoken to me, saying, Make the yoke which thy father did put upon us lighter? And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins. And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day. And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men’s counsel that they gave him; And spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.”

Lastly, in every decision of whether a man is wise or not, I seek the counsel of my wife. Somehow God has gifted women to quickly discern the heart of a man and determine whether he is wise or foolish. If my wife is at peace with the man and does not have any qualms or misgivings, then I go ahead and ask the counsel. For a young man, gaining the peace of his parents before asking another individual for counsel is critical, and would be the analog to a husband gaining the peace of his wife. For a young man to seek out only the counsel of his peers is disastrous as Rehoboam proved.

When I give counsel, I apply the same process. I first want to make sure that I am in proper relationship to God and have wisdom to give. The question I ask myself is, “Am I the right one to give counsel to this individual on this subject?” Giving counsel is a huge responsibility realizing that the person asking will likely act on what I say. Therefore, I want to be absolutely sure that I am the right one to give the counsel and that what I say has a basis in Scripture, personal experience, or both.

Men, in general, do not seek, nor give, counsel very well. I adjure you to be a wise man and seek out counsel in making life’s decisions. Likewise, teach your children to seek out counsel from those godly men and women in their lives. In such a manner they will also become wise and in due time be able to give wise counsel to others. When asked for your counsel on a topic, 1) give yourself time to think the question through, 2) apply Biblical principles to the question at hand, and 3) and seek out the counsel of your wife before speaking. In doing so you will prove to be a wise man who gives wise counsel to the people of God.

May God give you wisdom as you lead your family well.

In Christ,

Roger D. Farr

ALERT Cadet Commanding Officer

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Mar 18